yesterday i had a mini breakdown. i was laying on the couch watching project runway and all of a sudden i was like--i have to go to work tomorrow. i have so much to do. i had fun this weekend but i just didn't do enough. i never do what i need to do. etc etc etc crying etc being mean to mike etc etc turning my anxiety into: "and i need my own desk to do work!" poor mike...he doesn't know what to do when this happens to me (because there isn't really anything to do). he knows i am unhappy at work but yesterday i really tried to verbalize what it was about my job that made me so unhappy. i no longer feel like i am good at my job. i feel like every day i am failing, and a part of me feels like i have been set up to fail--albeit unknowingly. i didn't always feel this way. i used to feel quite the opposite in fact.
today's work day was more of the same. however, today my mindset was very different than usual. i decided that the shove of a bad day where i couldn't seem to do anything right was going to push me towards a new goal. i've mentioned before that i have been training for a 5k. i finished the interval training and have just been jogging at an easy pace, trying to increase the amount of time i jog. these runs have been ending at around the 2.5 mile mark. not too bad, but not enough for the 3.1 miles i'll need to do to complete a 5k. on saturday i had a really good run and felt like i could have kept going. when i got home i kept wishing that i had pushed myself to run an even 3. after a day where i felt like i was falling short from 8-4, i wanted to meet a personal goal. as usual, i spent the first 10 minutes getting into a comfortable pace but then the minutes just flew by. i'm not working on speed right now so it took me awhile to get to 3 miles, but it felt great to have reached a goal that i've been slowly building on over the past two and half months. i probably could have gone further, but i don't want to hurt myself.
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