the list!

summer!  sweet, sweet summer vacation!  everyone loves summer but teachers love it more than anyone.  it's not just because we don't have to go to work--don't get me wrong, that is pretty great, but there is something so wonderful about not talking all day and sleeping through the night without waking up in a panic and making a mental to-do list.  i haven't heard my last name once in an entire week and i have read every night for at least 20 minutes without falling asleep with the light on.  it's pretty magical.  as usual, i have set some summer goals for myself.  i have a tendency to be super motivated for the first two weeks and then fall into summer insomnia where i sleep all day and watch netflix/troll the internet all night.  i need a list because a) i need structure and b) i love making lists in little notebooks!

1. read!
i have so much reading to do!  i set a goal for myself to read 25 books in 2013 and after a fantastic start, i sort of lost my momentum.  i'm on my 10th book and i need to make the effort to read every day.  i am also starting a new job in the fall where i will be teaching reading and writing for the first time in a few years, and i am definitely behind in my knowledge of children's literature.  i have a couple of trips planned this summer and i'm hoping that sitting poolside will be the perfect setting to help me reach my goal.

2. catch up on projects around the house
mike and i moved into our apartment a little over two years ago and, while i decorated like crazy for the first few months, i definitely hit a wall with some of the projects i had planned.  there are a couple of pieces of furniture i need to buy, a wall to paint, and some closets to purge and then our apartment will almost be done!  someday we will get rid of the cheapest of the ikea furniture, but for now it is serving its purpose.

3. sweat it out
i was doing sooo well for sooo long when it came to eating healthy and going to the gym and then the last month...yikes.  seamless = dangerous.  outdoor patio happy hour = kryptonite.  this summer i need to make going to the gym a priority and keep healthy snacks around the house so that my netflix addiction is not paired with a junk food addiction.

4. new york city
get out!  do things! live in new york city not just in my apartment! sometimes oppressive heat and humidity makes leaving my central air cave of an apartment difficult to leave, but i need to take advantage of how light the crowds are during the week at some quintessential new york locations.

i think that's it.  i have obvious goals with regard to my new job but those goals are separate and will be for a post later this summer!

push and shove

yesterday i had a mini breakdown.  i was laying on the couch watching project runway and all of a sudden i was like--i have to go to work tomorrow.  i have so much to do.  i had fun this weekend but i just didn't do enough.  i never do what i need to do.  etc etc etc crying etc being mean to mike etc etc turning my anxiety into: "and i need my own desk to do work!"  poor mike...he doesn't know what to do when this happens to me (because there isn't really anything to do).  he knows i am unhappy at work but yesterday i really tried to verbalize what it was about my job that made me so unhappy.  i no longer feel like i am good at my job.  i feel like every day i am failing, and a part of me feels like i have been set up to fail--albeit unknowingly.  i didn't always feel this way.  i used to feel quite the opposite in fact. 
today's work day was more of the same.  however, today my mindset was very different than usual.  i decided that the shove of a bad day where i couldn't seem to do anything right was going to push me towards a new goal.  i've mentioned before that i have been training for a 5k.  i finished the interval training and have just been jogging at an easy pace, trying to increase the amount of time i jog.  these runs have been ending at around the 2.5 mile mark.  not too bad, but not enough for the 3.1 miles i'll need to do to complete a 5k.  on saturday i had a really good run and felt like i could have kept going.  when i got home i kept wishing that i had pushed myself to run an even 3.  after a day where i felt like i was falling short from 8-4, i wanted to meet a personal goal.  as usual, i spent the first 10 minutes getting into a comfortable pace but then the minutes just flew by.  i'm not working on speed right now so it took me awhile to get to 3 miles, but it felt great to have reached a goal that i've been slowly building on over the past two and half months.  i probably could have gone further, but i don't want to hurt myself. 

oh get moving

i took an unplanned mini-break from my couch to 5k work while i was preparing for/on my juice cleanse, but now i am back in it.  even though i am NOT a "runner" i felt like a 5k was the kind of goal that i could achieve.  starting off was actually pretty easy because, while not able to run long distances, i am not a total couch potato.  i go to the gym an average of twice per week, i walk 20 minutes to and from the subway each morning, and i don't sit at a desk.  all of the those factors made the first couple of weeks of the program pretty easy for me.  i am now into the final couple of weeks and instead of running 3-5 minutes at a time, there are days when i'm running 10-20 minutes straight.  my sister bought me an ipod shuffle for christmas which has been a lifesaver, but i definitely needed a little more inspiration to get me into my gym clothes and on the treadmill 3 days per week.  this is how i function: when my apartment is messy, i look at home design blogs or watch movies with amazing design (like royal tenenbaums) to inspire me to clean.  i found that i always wanted to work out at 10:00 at night after watching the biggest loser so i started watching it on netflix to push me to go to the gym and continue the episode.  working out is not easy for me.  my couch is very comfortable and there are many distractions in my apartment and things to cross of my to-do list that get in the way of my fitness goals.  to counteract this, i decided to buy haruki murakami's book: what i talk about when i talk about running.  murakami is my favorite author and i have read all of his novels.  i figured that since i am already inspired by his writing style, i might also be inspired by his love of running.
so far it is working.  murakami has such an easygoing way of talking about it--like he just decided to start running at 33 and so he just does.  i think that is an idea that i am trying to adopt in my own life: if i decide to do something, just do it.  like, why not, right?  over the next two weeks i will be running 30-35 minutes at least 3 times per week.  after the couch to 5k program is over i am just going to push myself to run a little more every day.  my goals are to comfortably run a 5k this summer (i signed up for the color run with some friends in july!) and then to push myself to be able to run 5 miles without keeling over.