kitchen scale

usually this is one of my favorite times of year.  i adore a fresh start. i love lists. me + new year's = true love.  this year...not so much.  i haven't been very motivated to clean my apartment or make resolutions, and i'm not sure why.  last year at this time i deep cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, stocked my fridge with healthy snacks, and had pages of ideas and inspiration for resolutions written in my journal. yesterday i decided to "get it together" in terms of food and went hunting for my kitchen scale so i could weigh some cheddar i planned on including in my healthy breakfast attempt (it was healthy, i swear!)  and don't worry, i found that scale...buried under--no exaggeration--six bags of christmas candy.  NOT AN EXAGGERATION.  it felt very symbolic.  a good intention of several months ago buried deep below impulses and conveniences of today.  story. of. my life.

so maybe it's time for some resolutions. as usual, once i can see the impending end of my vacation i am inspired to spring into action and desperately wish i had more time to do so.  if only i had this whole week off, i'd really show the gym who is boss. BUT, if i DID have the whole week off i would feel no pressure to go to the gym.  resolution catch-22.

there are things i did really well in 2013. in fact, from about april on, 2013 was almost 100% amazing.  there were a few hiccups (two full months of a job i hated, family drama, etc), but overall--pretty great.  2014 has the potential to be just as incredible, if not better, than the second half of 2013.  this is the year i work a full year at a job i love. this is the year i get married to my best friend. this is the year i am not so exhausted/depressed that i can enjoy all 52 weekends.  i want to focus on continuing to do the great things from the past year, as well as add in new goals.

1. positivity about the way i look and feel
my inclination is to set a large, pounds based goal to lose this year.  i'm getting married in october and i would love to be thin and beautiful and float down the aisle in my dainty wedding dress.  the reality is, i'm not going to lose 50 pounds by then (nor do i necessarily want to), so i'm going to focus on exercising more and eating better foods.  i want to go to the gym more days than not. i want to alternate between cardio, strength training, and yoga/pilates.  i want to cook more and eat healthier snacks and plan ahead of time so i'm not ordering enchiladas at 7:30 because i'm too hungry to cook and there's nothing in the refrigerator anyway.  i want to feel good in my clothes and have more energy.

2. deal with tasks when they come up
i have a weird relationship with procrastination.  i get anxiety about tasks that don't seem like such a big deal.  for example, my parents sent me a check for my birthday in november and i haven't deposited it yet.  why not?  i walk past the bank EVERY DAY on my way home from work!  my principal emails a weekly newsletter about what is going on in the upcoming week.  i get stressed when it pops into my inbox.  why?! there is nothing in it that is even remotely stressful AND i love my principal.  when something has to get done, i want to work on just facing it...like the math plans i need to prepare for tomorrow...

3. make plans with friends
there are some friends i see pretty regularly, but mostly i just lay on the couch with mike.  i love relaxing on the weekends, and i don't feel guilty about spending saturday AND sunday in pajamas, but i also love spending time with friends.  i need to make an effort to connect more with the friends i don't see all of the time.  this includes visiting friends who live in other cities.  as i've gotten older, leaving the city feels like a bigger and bigger hassle.  and honestly, it is, but i have friends living all over the east coast that i don't see unless they come here, and that is pretty ridiculous.

4. fall back in love with new york
i really do love it here, but i honestly could probably live almost anywhere considering how little advantage i take of the city.  i would definitely miss the subway and the bodega on every corner and not having to drive anywhere, but there is so much more to new york than that (obviously). i want to do two or three new, or old favorite, activities per month.  i want to make dinner and brunch plans. i want to have iconic new york experiences.

101 in 1001

there is little i love more than making to-do lists and getting organized and setting goals for myself.  unfortunately, i do not always feel the same excitement about working towards those goals.  i have a tendency to give myself too much to accomplish, or i forget about them as time goes on.  i saw a 101 in 1001 list on design darling, and was immediately inspired to create my own.  the list is large enough to allow for both large and small to-dos, but it doesn't end on december 31st  like a new year's resolution, so you have plenty of time to accomplish what you want to.  i just started, but i like the fact that i can focus on one or two goals at a time.  the ones in italics are ones that i am currently working on.

May 5, 2016

Go to London
2.     Go to the top of the Empire State building
3.     Go to the Liberty Science Center
4.     Go on a road trip
5.     Visit a state I’ve never been to Michigan! Completed October 2013
6.     Rent a beach/lake house/cabin with friends
7.     Visit the New York Public Library in Bryant Park
8.     Take the Roosevelt Island tram
9.     Do a Brooklyn Brewery tour (with Dad!) Completed September 2013
10.  Take a circle line cruise
11.   Go to Brooklyn Boulders
12.  Go to Museum of Moving Image
13.   Go camping in a tent or cabin
14.   Go ice skating
15.   Go for a hike
16.  See a Broadway show by going to tkts
17.   Take a trapeze class
18.  Sneak into a second movie for a “double feature”
19.  Go to Shake Shack
20. Visit Erica in Baltimore
21.  Ride my bike into Manhattan
22. Go to a trivia night
23.  Go to brunch in Manhattan
24.  Go home for a random weekend just to hang out with my parents
25.  Go to a hockey game

26. Take a yoga class Completed August 2013
27.  Run a 10k
28. Take a pilates reformer class
29. Go to a personal trainer Completed first session August 2013
30.  Comfortably wear a two piece
31.   Run at least two 5k races and improve my time
32.  Run more than 5 miles
33.  Find a general practitioner
34.  Go to the gym 2x per week for three months straight
35.  Try meditation
36.  Go to a SoulCycle class
37.  Get 8 hours of sleep every night for a week
38.  Take a vitamin daily for one month
39.  Give up soda for one month
40.   Drink 64 ounces of water every day for a week Completed August 2013
41.   Fit into one or both of the modcloth dresses I purchased two years ago
42.   Wash my face, apply eye cream, serum and moisturizer every night for two weeks Completed August 2013
43.  Do a pull-up
44.  Book an appointment at Great Jones Spa Completed November 2013
45.  Keep track of miles I run (jog) and run 500 by the time my 1001 expires


46.  Do a “30 day” challenge
47.  Do a photo-an-hour challenge (once per month) for 6 months
48.  Perfect Mom’s sauce recipe—meaning, make it like her!
49.  Make a dish from things purchased at the farmer’s market
50.  Try one new recipe a month
51.   Roast red peppers with Aunt Anita
52.  Watch all of the AFI top 100 movies released since 1960
53.  Start and maintain a blog with at least three posts per week
54.    Read 25 books per year (15/25 so far in 2013)
55.  Read 10 “classic” books
56.  Watch Battlestar Galactica
57.  Watch Six Feet Under
58.  Perfect a signature cocktail
59.  Visit a braid bar
60. Try acupuncture
61.  Participate in a multi-course tasting menu
62. Read 5 books on my shelf that I have never read (1/5)
63.  Get my makeup done professionally and then buy one of the products used
64.  Carve a jack-o-lantern
65.  Read the Sunday New York Times for one month
66. Use my point and shoot camera more
67.  Create a photo book with digital photos
68. Donate money to 3 friends who are collecting for charity (2/3)
69. Review 20 restaurants or bars on yelp-positive and negative!
70.  Write in my journal 2x per week for 2 consecutive months
71.   Write daily intentions for one month
72.  Get fresh flowers for our apartment every week for a month
73.  Wear jewelry to work every day for a month
74.  Develop a makeup routine and wear it to work for a month
75.  Complete the stocking of our “bar cart”
76.  Get a matching pajama set

77.  Host a game night
78.  Host a dinner party
79.  Send 50 handwritten notes
80. Reconnect with Kellee
81.  Go on a romantic picnic with Mike—with picnic basket, wine glasses, etc
82. Send out Christmas cards one year
83.  Create an address book on my computer
84.  Host a girls only slumber party
85.  Send someone a care/surprise package
86. Send 5 postcards from vacation
87.  Get a new library card
88. Put $100 from each paycheck into savings
89. Track my spending for one month
90. Develop a monthly budget
91.  Fix up backyard
92. Upgrade to iPhone 5 Completed November 2013
93.  Pay off my American Express bill
94.  Get black boots stretched
95.  Get gold bracelet fixed
96. Subscribe to HGTV and Glamour
97.  Back up photos, music and important documents onto an external hard drive
98. Put $10 in savings for every goal completed
99. Get a new Social Security Card
100.  Get a New York License
101.  Pay my monthly student loan bill for 6 months even though I don't owe right now

the list!

summer!  sweet, sweet summer vacation!  everyone loves summer but teachers love it more than anyone.  it's not just because we don't have to go to work--don't get me wrong, that is pretty great, but there is something so wonderful about not talking all day and sleeping through the night without waking up in a panic and making a mental to-do list.  i haven't heard my last name once in an entire week and i have read every night for at least 20 minutes without falling asleep with the light on.  it's pretty magical.  as usual, i have set some summer goals for myself.  i have a tendency to be super motivated for the first two weeks and then fall into summer insomnia where i sleep all day and watch netflix/troll the internet all night.  i need a list because a) i need structure and b) i love making lists in little notebooks!

1. read!
i have so much reading to do!  i set a goal for myself to read 25 books in 2013 and after a fantastic start, i sort of lost my momentum.  i'm on my 10th book and i need to make the effort to read every day.  i am also starting a new job in the fall where i will be teaching reading and writing for the first time in a few years, and i am definitely behind in my knowledge of children's literature.  i have a couple of trips planned this summer and i'm hoping that sitting poolside will be the perfect setting to help me reach my goal.

2. catch up on projects around the house
mike and i moved into our apartment a little over two years ago and, while i decorated like crazy for the first few months, i definitely hit a wall with some of the projects i had planned.  there are a couple of pieces of furniture i need to buy, a wall to paint, and some closets to purge and then our apartment will almost be done!  someday we will get rid of the cheapest of the ikea furniture, but for now it is serving its purpose.

3. sweat it out
i was doing sooo well for sooo long when it came to eating healthy and going to the gym and then the last month...yikes.  seamless = dangerous.  outdoor patio happy hour = kryptonite.  this summer i need to make going to the gym a priority and keep healthy snacks around the house so that my netflix addiction is not paired with a junk food addiction.

4. new york city
get out!  do things! live in new york city not just in my apartment! sometimes oppressive heat and humidity makes leaving my central air cave of an apartment difficult to leave, but i need to take advantage of how light the crowds are during the week at some quintessential new york locations.

i think that's it.  i have obvious goals with regard to my new job but those goals are separate and will be for a post later this summer!

push and shove

yesterday i had a mini breakdown.  i was laying on the couch watching project runway and all of a sudden i was like--i have to go to work tomorrow.  i have so much to do.  i had fun this weekend but i just didn't do enough.  i never do what i need to do.  etc etc etc crying etc being mean to mike etc etc turning my anxiety into: "and i need my own desk to do work!"  poor mike...he doesn't know what to do when this happens to me (because there isn't really anything to do).  he knows i am unhappy at work but yesterday i really tried to verbalize what it was about my job that made me so unhappy.  i no longer feel like i am good at my job.  i feel like every day i am failing, and a part of me feels like i have been set up to fail--albeit unknowingly.  i didn't always feel this way.  i used to feel quite the opposite in fact. 
today's work day was more of the same.  however, today my mindset was very different than usual.  i decided that the shove of a bad day where i couldn't seem to do anything right was going to push me towards a new goal.  i've mentioned before that i have been training for a 5k.  i finished the interval training and have just been jogging at an easy pace, trying to increase the amount of time i jog.  these runs have been ending at around the 2.5 mile mark.  not too bad, but not enough for the 3.1 miles i'll need to do to complete a 5k.  on saturday i had a really good run and felt like i could have kept going.  when i got home i kept wishing that i had pushed myself to run an even 3.  after a day where i felt like i was falling short from 8-4, i wanted to meet a personal goal.  as usual, i spent the first 10 minutes getting into a comfortable pace but then the minutes just flew by.  i'm not working on speed right now so it took me awhile to get to 3 miles, but it felt great to have reached a goal that i've been slowly building on over the past two and half months.  i probably could have gone further, but i don't want to hurt myself. 

oh get moving

i took an unplanned mini-break from my couch to 5k work while i was preparing for/on my juice cleanse, but now i am back in it.  even though i am NOT a "runner" i felt like a 5k was the kind of goal that i could achieve.  starting off was actually pretty easy because, while not able to run long distances, i am not a total couch potato.  i go to the gym an average of twice per week, i walk 20 minutes to and from the subway each morning, and i don't sit at a desk.  all of the those factors made the first couple of weeks of the program pretty easy for me.  i am now into the final couple of weeks and instead of running 3-5 minutes at a time, there are days when i'm running 10-20 minutes straight.  my sister bought me an ipod shuffle for christmas which has been a lifesaver, but i definitely needed a little more inspiration to get me into my gym clothes and on the treadmill 3 days per week.  this is how i function: when my apartment is messy, i look at home design blogs or watch movies with amazing design (like royal tenenbaums) to inspire me to clean.  i found that i always wanted to work out at 10:00 at night after watching the biggest loser so i started watching it on netflix to push me to go to the gym and continue the episode.  working out is not easy for me.  my couch is very comfortable and there are many distractions in my apartment and things to cross of my to-do list that get in the way of my fitness goals.  to counteract this, i decided to buy haruki murakami's book: what i talk about when i talk about running.  murakami is my favorite author and i have read all of his novels.  i figured that since i am already inspired by his writing style, i might also be inspired by his love of running.
so far it is working.  murakami has such an easygoing way of talking about it--like he just decided to start running at 33 and so he just does.  i think that is an idea that i am trying to adopt in my own life: if i decide to do something, just do it.  like, why not, right?  over the next two weeks i will be running 30-35 minutes at least 3 times per week.  after the couch to 5k program is over i am just going to push myself to run a little more every day.  my goals are to comfortably run a 5k this summer (i signed up for the color run with some friends in july!) and then to push myself to be able to run 5 miles without keeling over.