oh don't cry

today was rough.  i loved my outfit, got to work bright and early, and had everything ready to go for the day.  things just didn't go the way that i had hoped.  my second, more "lively" class had a full scale riot when they entered the room and their seating arrangement had been changed.  if we had been on a ship they would have thrown me overboard.  i am not going to lie--i was telling my co-workers in the office about my day and started to cry and then had to spend 15 minutes in the bathroom splashing cold water on my face and fanning myself because my post-cry face is not easy to mask.  i think next time i'll take a picture of it to post.  long story short, i had a bad day, but i spent about 20 minutes just chatting with of my students.  i have to remember that when all is said and done, i really do like what i do.  i need to keep myself in a positive mental space, even if that means i need a change of atmosphere.  maybe i just have the winter blues considering my last two posts have been such downers.

oh get out?

this morning was one of those days that made me want to turn around, pack up my things, and leave new york for good.  don't get me wrong--i love love LOVE this city, but every once in awhile it drives me absolutely insane.  i stood in the pouring rain waiting for a bus (that never came) and then walked 15 minutes to the train.  i was so mad and i couldn't believe i stood outside, freezing my butt off, soaking wet--just to go to work...a place where i don't want to go in the first place!  i wished i could turn around, change out of my wet clothes and go back to sleep.
am i the only one who ever feels that way about new york city?  certain things just drive me crazy about living here.  they have yet to outweigh the good, but still.

1) i would love to go to the movies without having to get there at least 45 minutes early.  mike and i went to chicago last summer and on a night when we were especially wiped we decided to see batman.  people casually strolled in as close as 15 minutes to showtime and there were still plenty of seats!  if you get to a movie 15 minutes before it starts in new york you are either sitting in the front row or on the steps.
2) concerts.  every single person goes to every single concert.  they are all taller than me and they are all wearing backpacks.
3) commuting.  i would love--LOVE--to arrive at work looking as good as i did when i left the house.  there are about 4 days over the course of the whole year when this happens and i think they are all in mid fall.  i'm either sweating or soaking wet or wearing hideous yet comfortable shoes.
4) getting out of town.  i love that i don't have to drive pretty much ever.  i actually don't even really like to drive.  sometimes, though, i feel totally trapped.  unless i want to travel by bus, it costs at least $100 to get out of town for the weekend.

new york, i love you.  but i definitely need a couple of beautiful saturdays to remind myself why.

oh get positive

tonight is my last night of february vacation.  of the vacations i've had over the past few years, this has probably been one of the best.  it was a great combination of productive and relaxing.  i got a massage, went to the nail salon, cleaned my apartment and read a ton.  staying in town sometimes causes me to feel stir crazy, and leaving town sometimes makes me feel like i didn't have enough time off.  this week was perfectly balanced.  what is even better is that i don't feel suicidal at the thought of going back to work tomorrow.  i've been getting myself into a better head space about work, and have planned some changes to implement in the classroom starting this week.  i'm also excited thinking about how march (and spring!) are right around the corner.

this photo was taken last year on my walk home from the gym.  the arrival of spring seems to happen when i least expect it and then all of a sudden i notice that all of the trees on 5th avenue are in bloom and i wonder how long i went without noticing.  i'm looking forward to longer days, warmer temperatures and spending more time outside instead of my (cozy) cave of an apartment.

oh get moving

i took an unplanned mini-break from my couch to 5k work while i was preparing for/on my juice cleanse, but now i am back in it.  even though i am NOT a "runner" i felt like a 5k was the kind of goal that i could achieve.  starting off was actually pretty easy because, while not able to run long distances, i am not a total couch potato.  i go to the gym an average of twice per week, i walk 20 minutes to and from the subway each morning, and i don't sit at a desk.  all of the those factors made the first couple of weeks of the program pretty easy for me.  i am now into the final couple of weeks and instead of running 3-5 minutes at a time, there are days when i'm running 10-20 minutes straight.  my sister bought me an ipod shuffle for christmas which has been a lifesaver, but i definitely needed a little more inspiration to get me into my gym clothes and on the treadmill 3 days per week.  this is how i function: when my apartment is messy, i look at home design blogs or watch movies with amazing design (like royal tenenbaums) to inspire me to clean.  i found that i always wanted to work out at 10:00 at night after watching the biggest loser so i started watching it on netflix to push me to go to the gym and continue the episode.  working out is not easy for me.  my couch is very comfortable and there are many distractions in my apartment and things to cross of my to-do list that get in the way of my fitness goals.  to counteract this, i decided to buy haruki murakami's book: what i talk about when i talk about running.  murakami is my favorite author and i have read all of his novels.  i figured that since i am already inspired by his writing style, i might also be inspired by his love of running.
so far it is working.  murakami has such an easygoing way of talking about it--like he just decided to start running at 33 and so he just does.  i think that is an idea that i am trying to adopt in my own life: if i decide to do something, just do it.  like, why not, right?  over the next two weeks i will be running 30-35 minutes at least 3 times per week.  after the couch to 5k program is over i am just going to push myself to run a little more every day.  my goals are to comfortably run a 5k this summer (i signed up for the color run with some friends in july!) and then to push myself to be able to run 5 miles without keeling over.