the "grown-up" myth

i turned 33 at the end of november.  when i was 16 (or, let's be honest, 25) i thought that by 33 i would be a proper grown up.  i would own a home, have at least one kid.  i would no longer check behind the shower curtain for serial killers when i was home alone, and i would make sure that i ate the proper amount of servings of vegetables as indicated by the food pyramid.
not the case.  i've been thinking so much about the idea of being a grown up lately, and what milestones do you have to reach before you are officially in the club.  having a kid? marriage? owning a home? a driver's license with your ACTUAL address on it?
i am surrounded by people who seem like total grown-ups in so many ways, but then i find out a) their parents pay a HUGE part of their rent, or b) they got married a few months ago but their spouse still lives with their mom and has NEVER lived on their own.  are they still grown ups? am i more a grown up because i am not on my parents' cell phone bill?  or less a grown up because i still have a childhood stuffed animal in my bedroom and never pay my bills on time?
so much is different than when my parents were my age.  people get married later, switch jobs more often, rent for life.  last year at this time i would have moved out of new york in a heartbeat.  if mike had gotten a job somewhere else, i would have moved pretty much anywhere in a second.  because i love my job right now, and new york seems like the best place for mike's career, should i come to terms with the fact that i will never have a formal dining room that will never get used?  at this rate, i might never have a kitchen table...
even though i definitely feel the pressure to "grow up" in the traditional sense, i also feel lucky that i am living in a place and time where, even at 33, i am free to figure myself out.

the list!

summer!  sweet, sweet summer vacation!  everyone loves summer but teachers love it more than anyone.  it's not just because we don't have to go to work--don't get me wrong, that is pretty great, but there is something so wonderful about not talking all day and sleeping through the night without waking up in a panic and making a mental to-do list.  i haven't heard my last name once in an entire week and i have read every night for at least 20 minutes without falling asleep with the light on.  it's pretty magical.  as usual, i have set some summer goals for myself.  i have a tendency to be super motivated for the first two weeks and then fall into summer insomnia where i sleep all day and watch netflix/troll the internet all night.  i need a list because a) i need structure and b) i love making lists in little notebooks!

1. read!
i have so much reading to do!  i set a goal for myself to read 25 books in 2013 and after a fantastic start, i sort of lost my momentum.  i'm on my 10th book and i need to make the effort to read every day.  i am also starting a new job in the fall where i will be teaching reading and writing for the first time in a few years, and i am definitely behind in my knowledge of children's literature.  i have a couple of trips planned this summer and i'm hoping that sitting poolside will be the perfect setting to help me reach my goal.

2. catch up on projects around the house
mike and i moved into our apartment a little over two years ago and, while i decorated like crazy for the first few months, i definitely hit a wall with some of the projects i had planned.  there are a couple of pieces of furniture i need to buy, a wall to paint, and some closets to purge and then our apartment will almost be done!  someday we will get rid of the cheapest of the ikea furniture, but for now it is serving its purpose.

3. sweat it out
i was doing sooo well for sooo long when it came to eating healthy and going to the gym and then the last month...yikes.  seamless = dangerous.  outdoor patio happy hour = kryptonite.  this summer i need to make going to the gym a priority and keep healthy snacks around the house so that my netflix addiction is not paired with a junk food addiction.

4. new york city
get out!  do things! live in new york city not just in my apartment! sometimes oppressive heat and humidity makes leaving my central air cave of an apartment difficult to leave, but i need to take advantage of how light the crowds are during the week at some quintessential new york locations.

i think that's it.  i have obvious goals with regard to my new job but those goals are separate and will be for a post later this summer!

join together in song

 

fridays are the hardest days of the work week for me.  not only is every. single, person. ready for the weekend, but i have less time to get things done during that day than other days during the week.  after working hard all week it seems like friday pushes me even more to need the weekend.  after weeks of sort of pretending to plan it, a group of friends and i finally made plans to go to karaoke this past friday.  we met for dinner ahead of time, and then picked up some beers and snacks to bring into our private room (the only way to do karaoke in my opinion).  my afternoon had ended on a semi-sour note and i was really looking forward letting off some (a lot of) steam.  

since this year has been so tough for me, i feel like i've been appreciating my evenings and weekends more and more.  getting together with everyone reminded me, yet again, that these are the moments that i need to focus on.  it also felt good to be enjoying the city for one of the many reasons on the list of why i love new york.  

i hope that soon my work life can feel as positive and rewarding as my personal life, but until then it feels great to think about great friends and how i 100% killed "super bass" and "seether" on the mic.

oh get out...no, but really

i was 23 when i moved to new york from providence and VERY excited to take advantage of the unlimited possibilities a huge city offered.  my job required early (and long!) hours, so i wasn't very fun during the week, but on the weekends...watch out.  i knew every bar, had tried every little hole in the wall restaurant in the lower east side and east village.  i stayed out until dawn, visited museums, saw friends, and didn't consider my weekend complete unless i was dragging my exhausted body into bed on a sunday night.
let's just say things are a little different now.  my typical weekend consists of:

work, nap, gym, nap, catch up on tv, fall asleep at about the same time that i fall asleep during the week, maybe see one or two friends, be depressed about how fast my weekend is going by, bed

this weekend i was in my pajamas at 10:30 am debating whether to take a nap or go to the gym first when my friend becky asked me if i wanted to go to a pickling class with her.  my first response was "no! i have too much work to do and i haven't even watched pretty little liars yet!"  then i decided that like, what is the point of the weekend if i don't DO things? so i went.  i made pickles for 2 hours.  then becky decided that we should also go get pizza at spumoni gardens--something i'd wanted to try for awhile but who has a car to get to bay ridge?  no! i have to take a nap!  and hopefully find out who A is!  but i went and it was great.  i went out to dinner with two other friends later and then met up with people for drinks after.  i did ZERO work.  nothing.  i didn't go to the gym. i don't know if toby is really dead.  i did take a 3 hour nap so i crossed one thing off my to-do list.  the point is, i had the kind of saturday that i haven't had in years.  i forgot how to enjoy my weekends because i'm so worried about getting ahead of all of the work and cleaning i feel like i have to do.  i have so many lists of all of the things i want to do in and around new york and that list mostly just takes up space on my refrigerator next to the curling new york magazine 100 best restaurant list that has not been touched. my sunday was a little crazy with all of the "catching up" i felt like i had to do but in reality, it was no more stressful than any other sunday.  and this week i've felt no more or less prepared than any other week.  sure there were more things i COULD have done, but there will never really be an end to my mini-notebook to-do lists and if i hadn't just taken advantage of a beautiful saturday afternoon i would not have 3 jars of pickles to try next weekend.

oh get out?

this morning was one of those days that made me want to turn around, pack up my things, and leave new york for good.  don't get me wrong--i love love LOVE this city, but every once in awhile it drives me absolutely insane.  i stood in the pouring rain waiting for a bus (that never came) and then walked 15 minutes to the train.  i was so mad and i couldn't believe i stood outside, freezing my butt off, soaking wet--just to go to work...a place where i don't want to go in the first place!  i wished i could turn around, change out of my wet clothes and go back to sleep.
am i the only one who ever feels that way about new york city?  certain things just drive me crazy about living here.  they have yet to outweigh the good, but still.

1) i would love to go to the movies without having to get there at least 45 minutes early.  mike and i went to chicago last summer and on a night when we were especially wiped we decided to see batman.  people casually strolled in as close as 15 minutes to showtime and there were still plenty of seats!  if you get to a movie 15 minutes before it starts in new york you are either sitting in the front row or on the steps.
2) concerts.  every single person goes to every single concert.  they are all taller than me and they are all wearing backpacks.
3) commuting.  i would love--LOVE--to arrive at work looking as good as i did when i left the house.  there are about 4 days over the course of the whole year when this happens and i think they are all in mid fall.  i'm either sweating or soaking wet or wearing hideous yet comfortable shoes.
4) getting out of town.  i love that i don't have to drive pretty much ever.  i actually don't even really like to drive.  sometimes, though, i feel totally trapped.  unless i want to travel by bus, it costs at least $100 to get out of town for the weekend.

new york, i love you.  but i definitely need a couple of beautiful saturdays to remind myself why.

oh get out

when i finished grad school last december i made a list of all of the things i would do with my new found free time.  after two and a half years juggling classes and working full time, it seemed like i would have so much extra time to run around the city just appreciating it and taking full advantage of it. flash forward one year and i wonder where all of that "free time" has gone, because it certainly hasn't been spent running around appreciating new york city.  on top of that, this week i spent three days in various pairs of pajamas obsessively refreshing my twitter feed as hurricane sandy unfolded.  anyone living in new york city knows that you were where you were when the storm started and you weren't going anywhere anytime soon.  it again made me realize how much i take this city for granted, and further inspired me to get out and appreciate.